"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me." Pslam 51:10
So this morning in my Bible Study I walked away thinking a lot about how my life has been transformed. I was this ugly, manipulative, lying, drunken, sinful woman just a few years ago...even just a couple of years ago. I will never forget the day I really decided to give my whole heart over to the Lord....it was the day I realized that if I really wanted to live God's will for my life, I was going to have to change EVERYTHING about my life. That's when I picked up and moved back home to Texas. Funny how at the time, I knew that was the answer and even though I am back in Arkansas, I still know that moving back to Texas was the right thing at the time, for that particular season of change. I learned so much during that year. I learned that saying goodbye to people and things we love are sometimes the only way to get to where you were meant to be, I learned about hard work and how blessed I was to have a good job in Arkansas, I learned that sometimes home isn't always where you should be but it's always good to go back to recapture the good times, I learned that without God in my life I just can't do it. My faith in God is what moved me back to Texas and ironically it is what moved me back to Arkansas. I believe that I was supposed to have a year of hell in Texas. I made so many mistakes there and even though my faith is what got me there.....I was worse than I ever was before. I was drinking a lot and involved with a guy who didn't believe in God and was pretty much a womanizer. I look back now and I have NO idea where my head was. I seriously thought I was in love with this guy. For the longest time I regretted dating him but now I realized that even though that was not God's choice for me, He loves me so much that He found a way to make good out of a bad situation. I learned a LOT from that short "relationship". I learned that there really are bad men out there and that when we find a good one, we should hold on to him and thank God for him every day.
Which brings me to where I am now and the transformations that have occurred. God is good and everything I have asked God for, is slowly being answered. When I moved back to Arkansas I realized that I really did need to make some changes within myself. I have always known what kind of woman I wanted to be but I was the TOTAL opposite of who I really wanted to be. So many years I went through life with this secret person inside my heart that was screaming to get out. Fear and insecurities wouldn't let her out. I was scared to be a forgiving woman....fearful that others would keep running all over me if I always forgave. So I held on to grudges and I would let others know that I still remembered. I was scared to be giving in fear that I would be taken advantage of. Scared that if I gave an inch they would take a mile. So, I was selfish and greedy. I was scared to not share "gossip" with others in fear that if I didn't have juicy information then why would anybody want to talk to me. So, I gossiped so that people would talk to me. Doesn't everybody want to talk to the girl who knows ALL and who will spill the beans? Yeah, I was that girl for so long! I took all of this to the Cross one day and asked God to transform my heart. Little by little He started working in me. I am still a work in progress but I have come SO far.
Prayer is key! There is POWER in prayer! To pray is to change and to change is to grow! Prayer is grace and grace is of God. Every woman should strive to be graceful! God is a wonderful Father who longs to pour out transformation and blessings in our lives. All we have to do is just ask! A life transformed by God is a miracle and it is there waiting for each person! We are all His children and He wants to see us all be who we were meant to be. If we let Him, the Holy Spirit will do extraordinary work in us. All we need to do is ask and have FAITH!
God is good!