"You will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:12-13
Over the last week, I have really felt the Power of His Holy Spirit work in my heart and in my life. I knew there was something strong brewing in my heart that wasn't allowing me to feel the peace I craved so much and no matter how much I prayed for this to be revealed to me, I felt His silence. I was growing more and more impatient but I kept on praying. I knew that if I kept praying and seeking, He would honor my prayers.
As I diligently prayed for a God encounter, I continued to engulf myself in His word and in worship music. Even though I was feeling His absence, I was going to continue to seek Him, I wouldn't give up.
"I trust in Your unfailing love. I will rejoice because You have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because He has been so good to me." Psalm 13:5-6
Finally, July 7, 2012, it was a Saturday night and I was laying in bed praying. I had talked to Michael earlier that evening about some of the things I had been struggling with. As we were done with our conversation, I immediately felt God's presence and I knew He was revealing to me all that I had been praying for. He was bringing to light all of the things that were causing my heart to not feel that peace that I love and crave so much. I knew that the hindrance to my peaceful soul was forgiveness.
I won't sit here and go through all that I have been through in life because we all have our story. We all have a testimony and we all have our journey that got us to where we are. However, I will tell you that a lot of my past and a lot of family issues had been causing me to allow unforgiving feelings to take reign in my heart. This unforgiving attitude I had drove a fear and a darkness that wouldn't leave my side. It was always there taunting me and making me feel so weighed down in life. For months I didn't know what had such a strong hold of me but there it was, all laid out piece by piece, each moment in my life that I had not let go of. I held on to it with an unforgiving heart that refused to be set free. I made up my mind right then and there that I was done. I had had it! I wanted it no more!
I went through my journey of life and I forgave. I forgave each person, each moment, and even forgave myself for my own mistakes. For the first time in my life, I felt totally free. I felt God's presence so strongly and I knew that I had just experienced the God encounter that I had been praying about. He had finally pieced together for me all the brokenness that was causing me so much pain. He was putting me together and I was finally allowing Him to do this for me.
God is SO amazing with how He works. The next morning I went to Church and the Church service was "Forgiving". The message was as if it had been written just for me. I was in awe. I was in complete awe of His amazing encounter and how He showed up at the perfect timing.
I realize now that when we feel His absence, He isn't really absent. He's still there, setting up the scene for his devine encounter with us. He is preparing our hearts to accept what He needs us to accept.....and sometimes, that takes time!